The Falling Star And Regret
by Peeta22
Summary: I'm Haymitch Abernathy, the victor of Second Quarter Quell. When I see her she reminds me someone in my past, when I listen to her I hear a voice from my memories. How can I tell Katniss about my life? Everyday I asked my self who is she and I realize that she is not her. The truhts have always been with me. I admit it hurts me a lot, it is killing me. This is my life story
1. Chapter 1

PART ONE

-The Baby-

The winter was still a challenging test for the District 12 like as much as before. After the war and established of the new system despite the past ten years, like climate, Panem's this poor District's living conditions wasn't well. Although it bends their waists as much as before, poverty wasn't still left their collar.

When Katniss Everdeen left her home of the winners of the village with her husband, for a moment she trembled and wrapped her topcoat more tightly and she looked an anxious glance at the Seam side. They didn't get cold here unless they leave their home but couldn't say the same thing for the Seam. Cold and windy in the evening of December, Katniss wished for the best for the people of living there.

"I don't know did we have to go out in this weather?" Katniss said to Peeta while the blonde young man locks the door. He came over her.

"Definitely" Peeta said, while wraps his arm to his wife's shoulder with a clear adopt. Unlike Katniss, this cold night was smiling his face like a Christmas Eve.

"Come on Katniss, we should keep an eye on him once in a while. Likewise he deserves to hear the news at first from both of us…" He kissed Katniss's tended to spread dark haired head in the wind kindly. Young woman drew a sigh.

"I hope he doesn't kill us." Katniss grumbled when they were starting to walk their neighbor's home. "Though he has probably already been seep, we are going for nothing."

"I don't think so." Peeta shrugged. "You know, he is sleeping hard…" Of course Katniss knew. Anyway which one could sleep easy?

When they arrived their former mentor's home Katniss threw an uneasy glance to Peeta. After the young man rolled his eyes, knocked the door self confident. Of course Katniss loved Haymitch, but honestly; she didn't think it was a good idea to visit him this night that he is probably drunk and highest of his grumpy. After Peeta knocks the door at a third time she hoped their former mentor has already been seep but the door opened slowly and a messy head of hair Haymitch appeared.

"Hey Haymitch." Peeta said cheerfully. "We came to visit you, can we come in?"

At a moment, middle aged man looked badly at them with collapsed gray eyes, and then he pulled from the door with grumbling.

"You two sit down and watch television in your home at this time, shouldn't you?" He asked, obviously got up new. He goes straight to the kitchen table and sits on his chair. On the table there were little tidbits in small plates and had already half empty a bottle of wine. When Katniss took off her topcoat went into the kitchen from Peeta's back, she threw a glance to her husband like say" I told you". Peeta casually sat on the chair across of Haymitch.

"We are bored." Said comfortably. "Also we have good news for you; if you were at home we would say at that time."

"I had a few work in Seam." Haymitch replied, taking another shot from the bottle. "What is the good news that it needs to be say emergency?"

When Katniss came and sat near to Peeta, a young husband and wife were looking at each other. Peeta smiled.

"That is…" Katniss said. She couldn't be sure; is she happy or unhappy. "Congratulations, you are going to be a grandfather"

There was a silence that both of two looked at the old man with smiling, Seemed impossible to delete Peeta's smile on his face. Haymitch narrowed his eyes and trying to make sense of what he heard and frowned his eyebrows. Katniss helps him on behalf of, took her hand slowly on her belly. Upon this Haymitch had to blink his eyes by several times, after that didn't say anything. He quaff off the bottle.

"Congratulations." He grumbled when he was wiping his mouth. "Finally you could impose to Katniss, is that so?"

When Peeta nodded gladly, a teeny weeny smile appeared and passed on Haymitch's face.

"Or you?" Haymitch asked Katniss. "How did happen you were convinced?"

Katniss took her hand on her belly again. Seemed her head was looking confused. The truth is; it still couldn't say that she is sure.

"I didn't convince." said slowly. "I just… decided to be brave for trying."

Peeta looked at her lovingly and gratefully. Young woman seems she is ok; she sent a grin at Haymitch.

"So… Don't you have a drink for us?"

"The drink is harmful for you now, isn't it?" He was cute when he said. Katniss made a grimace to her face. Peeta smiled. When Haymitch pointed a bottle on the counter to them, Peeta stood up by understanding and for himself and Katniss he filled two glasses. Seemed Haymitch doesn't want to offer anything else beside drink. But Katniss carelessly stretched forth her hand took some tidbits.

Outside, winter's scary cold wind was humming. When they are sitting with warm, smelling drink and hopelessness in the kitchen; three old friend's conversation proceeded effortless. Haymitch, although if not more willing to talk than before, tonight, Peeta was chatty enough for both of them. Katniss sees how her pregnancy news drowns him to rejoice, she believed little life of hope could be more love in her. This was a first for her, overcoming was difficult; plenty of excitement and a sense of motherhood was in line stage time. Now she is going to be a mother. It's hard to believe but it's true. In the past she always said to by herself" I will never marry and never have a child." Now she was finding herself in this situation. In fact, most of the time she has done this conversation with Gale but their friendship isn't so well now. There was still fear in her. Even the system changed, the existence of the Capitol is always scarier of her. Now she has to protect her baby from everything and everyone and this feeling was disgust her. Even she couldn't be sure that she can handle the motherhood. But Katniss would give to her baby all her love, compassion and would tune into it. It deserves a better life than she had.

Obviously this gloomy, smelling of drink, that the messy of belongings, the one that illuminates the sad atmosphere and changed the air was that Katniss and Peeta had a baby. Haymitch was enough to be awake what they are to be in. In fact whatever happens they won't be the same persons because they've changed but they couldn't live in the shadows forever. He decided to tease with them. Especially Katniss was as always doing to be Katniss. When she had grinned? Haymitch sometimes bellowed his head this. Hasn't job to do and spend his most times of the day has beautiful head and he filled nonsense things. He knew himself it's foolish but He couldn't give up his habit. Haymitch straightening up from his chair he hit Katniss slight and when he was losing his balance, falling on the ground; Peeta had gained from the games with reflexively he grabbed him by his arm and he sat a middle aged man in his chair.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Snarl at her former mentor with anger. On the one hand she wasn't holding herself, also she was laughing. Maybe Haymitch could get angry but she didn't care.

"Honey, if I don't know that you don't love drink I would say you race with me becoming an alcoholic!"Haymitch had sat down to watch young girl's facial expressions with a great delight. He is grinning. Peeta to burst out a laughter. But he realizes the situation immediately and prepared to talk.

"Haymitch is right this subject Katniss. We don't want to hurt the baby." He said. When Katniss noticed, she hit the full of drink glass to the table. She crumpled her face, looked at her best friend.

"You are always being a bad influence old wolf." Then she turned her face to burning fireplace. She was just playing a game with him. Sometimes uneasy Haymitch could be fun.

"You, control your will." Haymitch said.

"Come on Haymitch, I think you missed your mentor so bad." He fought back to protect his wife.

Two awake people against the so drunk man… All of them were laughing together. It would be hard to see cheerful Katniss and Haymitch. But today was their day; they had decided to devote their time. Peeta was equivalent between them; he was the only person to holding them together. Time was going to go quickly. Besides the frustrations; they also heard the happiness news. They were in a new era. Change is spreading everywhere and showed its effect clearly but past never to wrap wounds.


	2. Chapter 2: The Photo

After a few minutes of silence, Haymitch decided to start talk.

"So baby thing comes true now ha. I bet some people will love it." His joy was fresh and he was happy for them.

"Hmm… Where were we? Ah right, I was congratulating both of you. It has to require for a long struggle." Katniss and Peeta's faces blushed. They tried to not eye contact with Haymitch so they were looking different ways.

"Arrg... HAYMİTCH!" Katniss said inside of her. Was this man has always to making implied?

"I don't know how many time you said that because I couldn't count. We understood you Haymitch." Peeta put his hand to his forehead. On the other hand, he was trying to pass his stomach cramps.

"Would you like to explain it in detail from me Haymitch?" Katniss said. That she knows Haymitch will step back. Former mentor was pleasure when he sipped his last drink in the cup.

"Forgive me my friends, I'm a drunk man. No I don't want sweetheart, thank you." Haymitch said. Katniss and Peeta were running from Haymitch's question. Actually they knew what he meant but two young adult were ignoring him.

Quiet room was bothering them again. House stayed in dingily for a long time but Katniss and Peeta convinced Haymitch for buy new furniture's, clean the house. Only his worn table and he weren't willing to give up a few belongings left. Especially his old table was partner for him. Since years they were drinking together and sleeping. Their presence completed each other. Even Haymitch fought with them for the worn table. Now they got old. Suddenly Haymitch took a cup of water and then soak himself. When Peeta and Katniss's eyes stuck on him he smiled.

"It's very effective. How do you think I'm standing?"

"Apparent. Otherwise we chat with leaked person." Peeta had adopted mocking attitude too. Over the years they got use to each other. Katniss was taking her hand on her belly and show the baby, a husband and middle age man.

"I think you can't run forever from the Capitol citizens. Some people will want to know about your baby news." When Haymitch saying this, disgusted expression has in his face.

"After what we have done I don't think they would be interested in us. But Plutarch Heavensbee will make it a propaganda advertisement." Katniss is nervous with that. She never ran from her screen face, rebellion symbol, games and fake personality. She hates all of this. Don't want to share her private life especially with Capitol. Plutarch was always chasing after new works. Making programs; dramatically presenting, the past of destruction of Panem to people in public. They always reminded The Hunger Games. He knew how to play with people's hearts. After all he is a head gamemaker.

"I was afraid of this. Damn cameras and Plutarch." Peeta said sadly. Fall into this situation again, it seemed nightmare.

"Sadly my friend."Haymitch was worried. They all wanted a quiet life but Capitol would ruin it. This wasn't good. This reminds their past, deaths, tributes, friends… All of it. It is really painful. They didn't know what they did to get rid of it. Sometimes we couldn't fix things; some we know about things remains the same.

Then Peeta decided to change subject. He told Haymitch their hunt with a great enthusiasm. He has came a long way compared to past, even had come to hunt an animal but he never been as like Gale. Then Katniss told; how Peeta drives her crazy about her husband's mistakes, noises. His leg was still hobble. She had to settle with him because there is no choice. Haymitch was smiling them. He thought it was sweet.

"We must go. You are tired and sleepy old man." So Peeta gave the signal that they will go. Katniss's sleep had come too. She needs to rest and recover her energy.

"Wait, before you will go I have gift for the baby. It was for Katniss but I can make an exception." Two victors stepped back. They were wondering what it is. Their mentor's gifts were always as precious as life. They witnessed it in the games.

"My head isn't enough for walk can you help me?" He said on his chair.

"What can I do Haymitch?" Brown haired young woman stood up.

"You are going to my room, opening the drawer from the top nightstand right of my bed; you will see a ring box… Can you bring it to me honey?" Katniss understood him and went to upstairs. She repeated Haymitch's word by herself. When she is gone Peeta looked at Haymitch.

"If you don't mind can I ask you something? Why have you a ring?" He is wondering. He thinks Haymitch was hiding something. It didn't normal. Peeta wasn't complaining that Haymitch will give a gift for Katniss but it suspects him.

"I bought it from Capitol twenty years go for me." He put on his loving attitude. It was his mother's. Haymitch lied to young man. He buried the ring to the past like the others. He tried to stay away his memories as much as possible. He could only share her mother's items with only two people in his life.

The room didn't complicate as Katniss thought. It was tidy and very clean. She never expect from Haymitch like this view. He was always messy. Old Sea didn't come for months, if so how did he spare time for all of this? Throwing this question out of her mind, she came down. Suddenly Katniss think she didn't visit the house so much. Especially the cellar drew her attention. He didn't let anyone there, even birds can't fly. The moment you approach there you could find Second Quarter Quell victor with a knife on his hand. Katniss felt she has to go cellar. Maybe this is Haymitch's private however nothing can remain forever. Pregnant woman could risk her life for it. She didn't know everything about former mentor; especially his younger age, family, friends and The Hunger Games years. Katniss determined to learn. Even she didn't know what she will find. The cellar was clear like the bed room. It is just dusty. Here is running history. One person can't clean this cellar because it is hard. So someone had to come here and help Haymitch. But who or why? That person knows everything that they don't. It's so weird and annoying. How Haymitch couldn't he tell? How dare him. There is just two important people of his life and they are Katniss and Peeta.

Eventually Haymitch realized that was a mistake to send Katniss for brings the gift. He stood up and went looking for Katniss with Peeta. He is really pissed off. He would good enough for walk. Before long they saw Katniss where she came from, it drove Haymitch crazy. If she was someone else he could smash her. Katniss is coming to them. Her glances seemed not good. That moment Peeta realized it will be very bad. He had to do something. The most terrible mistake was breaking Haymitch's restricted areas.

Katniss pointed a photo to Haymitch's face. She was so angry and uncontrolled as much as former mentor.

"Who is she Haymitch?" Katniss said. Haymitch frowned and turned into a frightening person. Peeta went into his wife's arm, just in case he needed to take precautions.

"That's none of your business sweetheart." He replied so loud.

"We should carry it tomorrow. This isn't a good time for discussion." Peeta said anxious. As soon as possible they had to calm down.

"No. we speak now, period." Katniss replied Peeta.

"Your stubbornness doesn't work on me, honey. The subject is closed, period."

"You didn't tell us about your history of many years. Isn't it now time Haymitch?"It was always something remains missing about him. She wanted to know everything.

"Some memories should be in the past, do you understand me Katniss?"…

"If I tell you we still can't change that. Let buried it in the depths with me." Haymitch said be exhausted. Katniss shocked when she was looking him.

"If I tell you?"… And she fell silent. She was in deep void, in disappointment. Peeta came between them. He pulled back his wife and closer his face to Katniss's face.

"Katniss, listen to me. We should go our home."Pull her face from her husband's then turned back to Haymitch. Katniss was still holding beautiful, looking innocent young girl's photo.

"Drop it now." As you wouldn't expect from a middle age man, he hit her hand hardly. Picture was turning fast on the air then it landed to the floor softly. Since a century Haymitch came face to face his most beautiful lover in this world. She seems looking him. His eyes had fluctuated, he held himself hard. Then turned again to the pregnant woman. He regrets what he has done. Katniss didn't correspond, she just watched. She will cry if they still stay here. When she tries to leave, Haymitch caught her arms and pull her to his self.

"Come on, don't stop. Hit me. Hit Katniss, don't let it inside." Haymitch said but Katniss didn't care.

"We aren't in the Hunger Games old fox." She got rid of his hand like running then headed to the door. Katniss wasn't looking to Peeta of the short walk way. She even rejected the offer of help. It would be a long night…


	3. Chapter 3: A Girl On Picture

When his door firmly closing on him and when two young's step voices more and more moving away in the darkness of night; Haymitch Abernathy stood for a while where Katniss and Peeta left him.

He was fifty one years old. His collapsed face, smelling of drink condition, grief and time worn body also shows his age of the soul, Haymitch was exhausted. Even he felt his life has been over for years… And now, like a slap in his face, memories are hitting him besides Katniss's affecting painfully questioning rage, it felt Haymitch much older than he was.

Katniss Everdeen, in a way that bravery girl placed a valuable place in Haymitch's life since he saw her. She hurt him without knowing, unintentionally at a first time. But Haymitch didn't angry to her; he was feeling more desperate, longing, pain and guilt.

Katniss always opened herself to Haymitch; usually she didn't do it for anybody. Just her husband and friend Haymitch knew everything about her. And she wanted the same thing from former mentor. Haymitch understood her. He couldn't blame her for that. He told about his family and girlfriend once, in the time of second rebellion war from District 13. After that, Katniss tried to talk again but every time Haymitch ward off her then she had shut up and showed him respect until tonight… An old photo of Keola's in her hand, until standing up against Haymitch with unanswered questions.

How could he tell Katniss? He told Peeta about Keola; that will never close wound in him… But it wasn't so easy to tell her… Can she handle it? Maybe, maybe not

Circulating in his veins of alcohol and like compressing vice the effect of pain in his heart go stumbling sits at the kitchen table and while Haymitch takes his head between his hands suddenly the memory of the day he first saw Katniss appeared in his mind. As awake the moment of he first saw in train, young woman had breakfast with Peeta. He stood at the door and Katniss's image had almost nailed him on the spot.

She very looked like her… If you don't count tough and cold expression in her face, Katniss so much liked her… Reminds him old ones memories while he is looking her every moment, her every word causing sound from long past years, has to reminds himself again and again who is she? This must be stay in the secret. Katniss shouldn't know.

"You know, don't you?" At last Katniss talked but this is just the beginning.

When they entered their home and closed it, Katniss scroll to the kitchen and stood beside the table. She folded her arms on her chest, looked her husband back. Her voice was calm, liked a conversation but Peeta knew Katniss's this tone reflects the anger of the worst. When he walked his wife and stood in front of her with sighing, he put his hands on the young woman's shoulder. He wishes to be able to calm her down, even though it would be difficult ever before from the start.

"Katniss…" He began softly. He was staring young woman's lightning, hard gray eyes directly but he wasn't sure he can soften them. Katniss interrupted.

"You know. Don't you?" her voice increased.

The blonde young man looked at her and like not courage to say yes or no. Against his silence, Katniss's shoulders down. Peeta knew what he sees in her eyes… Disappointment.

"Great." Katniss mumbled like defeated and get rid of Peeta's arms. She made the move to exit the kitchen. Peeta ran after her, doesn't know what to say.

"Katniss, please… Believe me, I wanted to tell you but this was Haymitch's secret."

"What's that secret?" Katniss turned at door and asked like sharply sword. Peeta swallowed.

"I can't tell…" Katniss leaved an angry breath from her nose and moved toward to the ladder.

"It isn't so important thing…" Peeta tried for the last time. It was a weak effort. This time when Katniss turned at him, tears were shining in her gray eyes.

"Keola Everdeen." She said with a voice echoing through the house…

"Keola Everdeen was writing on the photo Peeta. Don't tell me this isn't important!"

When Peeta's shoulders were falling with desperation, Katniss climbed stairs with quick steps. Hard hitting sound of the bedroom door was heard.

The next morning, breakfast was quiet. Peeta understood Katniss's purple circles under her eyes and ready to explode at any moment expression; though she never moved from lying in bed last night that she couldn't sleep and even worse, she is still pissed off. Therefore, he found young woman in the early morning hours in the kitchen he couldn't dare to open his mouth since he didn't get answer his "Good morning."

Katniss was fire as usual and Peeta had no intention to be gunpowder. When they had breakfast and drank tea in silence, stunned Peeta was that the first spoke was Katniss. Broken tone in her voice has caught him unprepared.

"I can't believe that you keep secrets from me… Still. After all happened to us."

Her voice broke, Katniss stared her eyes into a teacup. Behind the usual image of Katniss, Peeta could see she wants to cry and he did what he knows best; He gets up, went to his wife and hugged her. Contrary to his fears Katniss didn't pushed him from herself. Go backward; she threw her arms Peeta's neck.

"Katniss…" whispered hesitantly.

"I know you are angry but believe me Haymitch hadn't malevolence."

"I bet." When Katniss pulled back, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Don't you understand Peeta? Two of you are still hiding something from me. This is just…"

Couldn't complete. Peeta feels something is crushing inside him with guilt. He kissed her softly on her hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Katniss… Haymitch made me a promise that I won't tell you."

"Yes, he makes!" Katniss mumbled.

She takes a sip of tea, leaned back and seemed to recover a little bit more for ready to talk, Peeta sat back in his chair.

"I thought he isn't hiding something from me anymore." Katniss said offended.

"In games, in the war, after all have done… I thought I can trust him." She continued to talk.

"Believe it; he has a very good reason Katniss."

"Bearing the same surname with me, for hiding a picture of a girl that I don't even know who she is and for not to mention about her to me for nothing?"

Young Woman's anger began to become apparent in her voice again.

"Like what Peeta? Can you tell me?" Katniss said

Unfortunately; Peeta also couldn't say this.

At that moment, doorbell has saved Peeta from the hard situation. When both were curiously staring at the door, Peeta got up and proceeded to open. A moment later, they faced with Haymitch appears even more slovenly than last night.

"Haymitch!" he said confused. Haymitch has eyed on Katniss, she is coming from Peeta's back. Peeta step back and Haymitch entered inside. He never eyes to separation on her but he is stumbling. Heavy and smell outdated drink spread home. Peeta took his lover's hand for support her.

"Katniss…" Haymitch mumbled. He strained thoroughly the young woman- her face hardened like steel, her glance was fired-

Peeta wondered did he drink or not all night.

"What do you want Haymitch?" Katniss asked coldly, her voice liked an ice.

"Aren't you going to seat me somewhere?" Haymitch asked with a sigh. There was a mocking tone in his voice but Peeta saw at the bottom of his mocking grin subtle pain and in fear, he realized what was happening. Haymitch didn't drunk. And in a way that has the uncanny feeling tied Peeta's abdomen.

"Let's go to the kitchen." Katniss said.

Cold, a stiff Katniss and completely dispersed Haymitch sit around the table. Haymitch was still looking to Katniss.

"You are angry at me, don't you sweetheart?"

When Katniss was showing her sour face that sweetheart word appears, Haymitch laughed slightly.

"I understand. No, no I really understand. I definitely deserve."

"Why did you come?" Katniss asked again by folded her arms in her chest. She was avoiding look at him. The man gently removed an old picture on the desk from his jacket's pocket and put it in the middle of three… This is the picture that Katniss found and threw it last evening. Young woman had to look at her involuntarily.

"I came to give what you want." Haymitch said hoarse, painful voice.

"I will tell you… I will tell you who she is."

Peeta sighed at a moment because of scene's dramatic. He knew it will be more dramatic when Haymitch will talk about his past. Peeta touched her shoulder to support his wife and he didn't sure that will Katniss handle it?

She was quiet when she was looking at Haymitch. Haymitch cleared his throat. He looked old as eighty years old man.

"Every time I look at you." He started slowly.

"I feel I see her again. You look like her so much. You remind me of my unending remorse; to you, to her and to myself… That's why I didn't tell you…" former mentor stopped, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"She was my girlfriend killed by Capitol… She was your father's sister Katniss."…


End file.
